My story

Monday’s Musings — Snowfencing & Life’s Filter

~ Hope Surrendered ~ Leave a comment

SnowFence.Filter.HS.Compressed.

The snow fencing is up! I say that with great enthusiasm … because it is finished!

The task is a family affair each November. It’s an activity that all of us dread doing, even though it only takes a few hours of our time.

We watch the weather forecast and try to pick the ideal time to put it up AFTER the leaves are off the trees and have been blown across the yard by the pre-winter storms but BEFORE the ground freezes solidly. If we don’t take both of these factors into consideration, then we will have a few issues present themselves.

My role in this task has changed over the years. These days, it is my responsibility to mark where the rows of fencing will be placed and to drop the posts on the grass. I used to have to share in the responsibility of pounding the oh-so-many stakes into the ground, but having two strong, teenage boys, my husband can now turn to them when his shoulders need a rest.

The fence makes a difference. It’s a filter for the wildly blowing snow and regular white-out conditions that happen around here. Without it, the winter squalls would put our snow blower to even more use just to get anyone into or out of our driveway.

As I watched my husband and boys put up three long rows of the fencing last week (after doing my part with the posts), I got to thinking about how it works. You see, each year is another opportunity to experiment with the placement of the rows and the distance between them to maximize the amount of snow that is stopped short of the driveway. I’m convinced I still haven’t found the perfect formula, so — much to my husband’s chagrin — I adjust the placement a tad each year.

The slats in the fence works as a filter to stop the blowing snow. The slats slow it down so the snow will drop after going through them. Having three, set-apart rows stops most of it before it makes its way to the driveway, but it doesn’t capture the snow that falls … only the snow that blows. It works very well in reducing the amount of snow we need to blow or plow from the driveway, but the effects are usually gone by the end of January when the fencing is, typically, almost covered by the snow it has been stopping for two months.

How about my life’s filter?

Does it work well?

Do I periodically need to re-adjust the filter to maximize the amount of “stuff” that gets through?

My filter is my faith and my daily walk with the Lord.

Many years ago, my Sunday filter looked a little different from my Monday-through-Saturday filter. My church clothes, my church attitude and my Sunday morning routine stopped some of life’s challenges from getting through, but it didn’t stop enough. Too much was able to get through for six-and-a-half days a week, and the Sunday morning filter was pretty porous.

There came a time when my Sunday morning filter also became a Sunday afternoon filter and even a Monday filter. Those two full days became the days I looked forward to the most. I don’t think I quite realized why at the time, but, looking back, I can see why now.

The number of filtered days continued to grow, and within those days, there were certain times of the day in which I found myself CHOOSING to see life through yet another new kind of filter. I wanted more of it. I wanted more of life to look that way … the way it did when it passed through the new filter.

Life is not perfect, nor will it ever be. The Filter I use today is able to “stop and drop” many of the challenges which come into my days, but not all of them. That filter is my faith and my daily walk with the Lord. It is here I find His Truths and His hope for my life.

John 16:33 tells me there will be times of trouble, but it also tells me that in Him, I can find peace. I need to trust in this.

Although there is a futuristic aspect to Psalm 46, I can and do draw strength from it … especially verse 1, where I am told He is an ever-present help:

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”
I need to trust in this.

Then, there is the verse that has become a foundational source of my hope. It is a promise from the Lord which speaks the loudest to me in my daily walk. I’ve learned to rely on Him and apply it so I can live in such a way where it’s okay for me to surrender my hopes to Him, because I can and do trust He is working ALL of my circumstances for my good and for His glory:

Romans 8:28:  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

There are some challenges which make their way through my Filter and need a little more focus to lessen their potential damage. And, yes, there are some happenings that are pretty tough for me to deal with. One filter won’t stop some of these; but the second and third filters in place can help to lessen the impact. I’m thankful for the people, the worship, the truths, the mentors and the reminders which act as filters in my life.

Remember that falling snow? The fence only stops what is blowing, not what is falling. There are still times in which we’ll need to clear away the snow. There are still times in which we’ll need to deal with the challenges directly.

What is YOUR filter? What is your snow fence?

If you aren’t sure, or if it seems fairly porous and allows too many challenges through, or if you really don’t have one, I’d gently encourage you to take some quiet time to think about it. Life on this planet will never be perfect for any of us. Never. Struggles are guaranteed … even struggles that we did not bring upon ourselves, but ones that still impact us because they impact loved ones.

When we have a filter in place — and it is reliable and less permeable — then we can always have hope.

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Finding Hope in Finding Authenticity

~ Hope Surrendered ~ 5 Comments

Romans 12:2.Pattern from Death ValleyAuthenticity.

It just keeps coming up!

In mid-September, I found myself noticing blog posts, Facebook statuses and tweets on Twitter that seemed to lack a lot of authenticity (from my perspective). I’d read what was written and my first take-away — no matter how good the message — was, “This is more about them promoting themselves than about ________.”

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I read from a few news sites and blogs each day; I check my email twice a day, my Facebook timeline a couple of times a day, and I jump in on Twitter for the newsfeed periodically. You probably do much of the same. Social media and internet news & info has become a big part of our lives, hasn’t it?

Most of the people I follow on my Hope Surrendered Facebook page and on Twitter are good, Christ-loving authors, writers, leaders, pastors, ministry directors and believers I started to follow because their work reflected their walk with the Lord in such a moving way. I’m not sure what was happening in September, but with many of the blogs, posts, statuses and tweets I was seeing, it just seemed to be about THEM, not the God they professed to be serving. Was it just September? Was it just me? I seemed to have experienced a shift where their posts were not primarily about reflecting their walk with the Lord, but about promoting themselves by promoting their walk with the Lord. It irked me.

Pretty judgmental, huh? Yes. I was.

I even posted about it on my Hope Surrendered facebook page at the end of September with a blurb saying, “Today, I am struggling a bit with what I see out there with other Christian bloggers and writers. I have had to ask the question, “When you press “Tweet,” “Post,” or “Publish,” are you promoting yourself or promoting how the Lord is working through you?”

I just didn’t sense authenticity. I liked what they had to say, but I didn’t like the self-promotion that seemed to be going on along with what they had to say. In my mind, it had become bigger than what they were saying.

Then, I realized I needed to stop.

I needed to stop, because I needed to check myself to make sure they were not me.

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We all do it. We post our selfies, our blogs, our statuses, our tweets and our photos not to just express ourselves, but to gain the attention of others. We label it as PR, marketing, promotion, and we justify it as necessary to get our word out.

Was I allowing myself to get out of hand with this? Or, was it just them?

Where is the line?

What is too much?

Is it obvious that I’m trying to balance it out with other things so people don’t see through the promotion?

I found myself asking these questions and searching my own “promotions” for the answers.

But, then I searched me. I searched my heart and looked at my intent. I didn’t like what I was starting to see.

I found myself writing some really deep and profound posts. They were good, but they were GOOD because I had allowed Him to work through me and was willing to share His work in me with others. …nothing wrong with that, as most of that GOOD was because of Him, not me.

But, what wasn’t good was how many times a day I’d check back to my posts to see if someone “liked” them, “retweeted” them, “favorited” them, “shared” them, or commented on them. That wasn’t about Him at all, but about me. … not good. … not good at all.

And, I stopped. I just stopped writing. I had to. I had to figure this out.

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My purpose in starting Hope Surrendered last April was about being able to share the Lord with others so they might find hope through my struggles, my attempts at obedience (to the Lord), my solutions (that came from Him), and my not-even-close-to-perfect walk. I wanted others to see that no matter what challenges would be found on their path, hope, peace and joy were truly possible.

I was doing that. I took the time to go back and read and study my posts, statuses and tweets. Yes, there was a bit of self promotion in there to get His words out through me, but it didn’t cross any lines. My posts were true to my original purpose.

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Any blogger, writer, author, publisher or business owner out there will tell you that marketing, promotion, stats and readership are important. Yes, they are, and I don’t disagree with that fact, but I was skewing my after-posting focus. It was beginning to shift away from my hope where others would see His purpose in their life and toward a focus of checking upon my success. I was crossing a line even if it wasn’t reflected in my posts.

I was crossing a line.

As good as my intentions were, there was a level of pride present in my head when I found myself needing to check and recheck the potential promotion and stats that might have happened after I’d post something.

I needed to stop in order to be able to search myself. For the long-run, this writing venture would only be as successful as my continued foundational reasons for getting started.

What wasn’t ok and what I needed to fully realize was that this writing venture was supposed to be bigger than me. It was supposed to be about Him. That was one of the main reasons I didn’t attach my own name to Hope Surrendered. … I felt it was irrelevant WHO I was; what was relevant was WHO I HAD BECOME through my walk with the Lord.

And … there’s another thing you should know. No one other than my husband knew who Hope Surrendered was at that point. No one. I thought I could be a writer known only as Hope Surrendered without having to give her a real name even though she had a real identity.

And, that’s where I got caught up in the authenticity-thing. I think that’s why the Lord brought out my sense of irritation with others’ promotions. What had started as an irked feeling about seeing how others promoted themselves (by promoting their really good works), led to me realize that I was falling into a trap in my mind by checking and re-checking my stats. I knew it would only be a matter of time until they were me from a promo perspective. If that would come to be, then what I was writing about would be more about selling MY ideas, MY accomplishments, and MY solutions to others by propping ME and my hopes up as the purpose of Hope Surrendered. I could see that coming, and I realized I needed to proceed with great caution … if He would have me proceed at all. I am sure the Lord knew all of this, too, thus the reason for him bringing it all up by showing me what irked me (He has a way of doing that, doesn’t He?)

And … then I realized by keeping ME out of Hope Surrendered, I really wasn’t being fully authentic. I really wasn’t being accountable to anyone else because Hope was mostly a mystery writer.

What a realization!

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For some of you, Hope Surrendered is just something you read, but for others, it has become one way of helping them to find hope.

For me, it’s not just about words on a page or stats on a spreadsheet; it’s about reflecting the Lord’s work in my life to others.

My time away from writing has shown me a renewed calling, a sense of purpose, a need for humility, a need for balance between getting my work out there and trusting He will put it into the hands that need it, and about being true to who I am.

So, I’m back to writing. This time, though, I’m committed to showing you more about who I am and how I work through my own hopes and surrenders with the Lord. I’m also opening up Hope Surrendered to my family, friends and acquaintances who might be curious about her connection to me … and about my connection to her.

Doing so will keep me accountable to others and to Him.

(Forgive me, dear friends and family … it does take a little promotion to let you know what’s been going on with me through Hope Surrendered!)

Doing so will help to reflect my desire for authenticity.

As Believers, we are called to live in a way that pleases the Lord:  “For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” (1 Thessalonians 4:7)

In contemplating why the Lord allowed me to walk through all of these authenticity thoughts, I’m brought to Romans 12:2 in which Paul warns us:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is
— his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I am realizing that the Lord allowed me to contemplate all of this in order to, once again, see His ways above my ways and His Will above my own will.

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Note:  If you would like to use the image associated with this post to share with others or to offer encouragement, you are more than welcome to do so.
You can copy it or forward it from this website, from my Hope Surrendered Facebook page, from my Google+ page or from my Twitter images.
I only ask that you not alter the image in any way so that it continues to be referred back to Hope Surrendered. Thanks so much. 

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Finding Hope in His Calling

~ Hope Surrendered ~ 1 Comment

MaryCarver - Copy

Yes, you are right. I haven’t posted much in the last few months. I’ve been on a journey…a journey of silence. I felt Him calling me to “Be still …” (Psalm 46:10) and just listen to where He might be directing me.

So, I did.

I’ve learned.

… learned from Him in wisdom that when He calls us to be still, what He often doesn’t say as He allows us to hear Him can be just as powerful as what He does say when He allows us to hear.

In recent weeks I’ve felt a prodding to get back to writing; this time, though, with a slightly different focus. I’ve felt Him leading me to let you into my life a tad more … a leading to be more authentic with you about how He calls me to find His hopes in my daily walk by surrendering my own hopes. More about that to come in a future post …

I have a daily calendar on my desk from Dayspring. It’s an (in)courage calendar titled, “home for the hearts of women” — they use a lot of lowercase letters, so pardon the lack of capitalization, but do click on the links and visit them! A few days ago, I felt moved by some of the sentences posted by Mary Carver of Giving Up on Perfect. Mary’s words stared at me as I stared at them, and it was yet another leading and confirmation for me about where I am being called. The Lord often does that He often gives us some kind of confirmation to affirm what he’s already told us.

Mary’s words on this meaningful little calendar were:

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“I’m slowly (so very slowly) learning that for me, for now, right here IS my mission.
It IS my calling.
He IS sending me, and I CAN follow Him.
Even without a jungle or a moving van full of boxes or a passport full of stamps, He has called me.
And I can serve Him by staying.
I can follow Him right here.”
*******

I know He has called me to write as Hope Surrendered … here on this dot.com, on my Facebook page and on Twitter, too. (I’d love to have you follow me in those places. The links are above on the “Contact me” tab if you wish to do so) I haven’t questioned the calling, but I did question the timing of it. Wouldn’t you know? He did have to give me a big push before I got started, and yet another one to take this step!

I have felt led to take a step away from here over the last few months to question, ponder and pray about just WHO He was calling me to be on these pages. My journey has been about surrendering MY OWN hopes to Him. It’s been about knowing and trusting that whatever my own hopes have been, are or will be, they are absolutely nothing if they are not also His. He knows the desires of my heart, but the journey of Hope Surrendered has been about me surrendering those desires to seek His will and His way so that I might know His desires.

Psalm 37:4 tells us:

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

The journey has shown me that when my desires line up with His desires, he will grant me the desires of my heart. The journey isn’t over, and I still have a lot of work to do in accomplishing this, but Mary’s words on that calendar reminded me of  being conscientious of working on His timing, in His ways, and through His calling.

The silence of being still which I’ve experienced over the last few months has shown me what I believe is His desire for me to be more authentic in who I am. In my day-to-day life, I do feel I’m pretty authentic. The Hope Surrendered you’ve gotten to know a little has been very authentic with you on these pages, but she’s been holding back … holding back in the sense that those who know me in my day-to-day life don’t know about Hope Surrendered.

I feel as though He’s calling me to change that.

From the many emails I’ve received from you, I know that some of you have found a kind of hope in reading Hope Surrendered, and I thank you for reaching out to me. I want to continue to provide that for you through my writing about how the Lord has been leading me, and the time has come for me to prepare to also let my friends and family in on how I’ve found that kind of hope, too.

I’ve told a few people in the last few days, and the response has been wonderfully supportive. I’m realistic enough to know this won’t always be the case with my family, friends and acquaintances, but if I’m doing His Will and traveling the way He would lead, then He will also equip me to deal with the not-so-positive responses, too.

He has and is calling me to serve by doing what I’m doing right here on these pages, but even more so, He has and is calling me to journey on a path through life with Him. For that, I feel blessed and grateful!

He Wants Me as a Sunbeam

~ Hope Surrendered ~ Leave a comment

Hope Surrendered Gravatar

There’s a song from my childhood that has become a big part of who I am:

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam,
To shine for Him each day;
In every way try to please Him,
At home, at school, at play.

Chorus: A sunbeam, a sunbeam,
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam;
A sunbeam, a sunbeam,
I’ll be a sunbeam for Him.

The lyrics to “I’ll Be a Sunbeam” were written by Nellie Talbot in the late 1800s. There’s not a lot of information out there on Nellie, but there is some speculation that she was inspired by the words of Judges 5:31 where it says, “…may all who love you be like the sun when it rises in its strength.” Her lyrics were then set to music composed by Edwin O. Excell in the early 1900s before being put in church hymnals. It’s a classic among children’s hymns.

I have only ever known and sung the first verse and the chorus. I recently looked up the lyrics and found simple-yet-deep meaning in the rest of the verses of the song:

Jesus wants me to be loving,
And kind to all I see;
Showing how pleasant and happy,
His little one can be.

 I will ask Jesus to help me
To keep my heart from sin;
Ever reflecting His goodness,
And always shine for Him.

 I’ll be a sunbeam for Jesus,
I can if I but try;
Serving Him moment by moment,
Then live for Him on high.

As a child, I loved the first verse and chorus of this song. I remember trying often to “see” God in my playtime. I remember talking to Him, but I also remember a strong desire to see Him…really see Him.

Sunbeams became my way of seeing Him. I was in awe of them. I, like you–I am sure, was told never to stare at the sun, so I stared at the sunbeams that came from it. Sunbeams came aaall the way from that big ball of light we weren’t allowed to stare at, and they made their way aaall the way down to Earth. This fascinated the little-girl me. They came from the sun — in outer space (the second Heaven) — shot through our atmosphere and bolted through the clouds in layers and seemed to illuminate in such a glorious and beautiful way. This mesmerized me. To me, sunbeams were my childhood way of “seeing” God.

Somewhere along the way, I got the notion that whenever I’d see sunbeams, I was actually seeing a manifestation of God. The rays became His way of trying to tell me something, so I’d stop, pray and try to discover what He was telling me in that moment. Suspiciously, the sunbeams often appeared in times of struggle, sadness or deep thought. They provided a comfort, a hope and a way of Him telling me that all would be okay.

Even as an adult, I still stop and pray when I see sunbeams. Suspiciously, they still seem to often present themselves when I’m deep in thought or wrestling with how I think He’d lead me in a circumstance or situation.

These days I see God in so much of His Creation, in my children, in my marriage, in coincidences that are never coincidences, in healing, in heartache, in the Word, in messages from others, and in living a hope-filled life always challenged by circumstances.

These days, I always say a prayer when I see the light and the layers of sunbeams. It’s still one of my ways of seeing God. I am pretty sure He knows that when He needs to get into my head and my heart, He will when He sends those sunbeams.

Sunbeams are one of the ways in which I find HOPE. The Gravatar behind Hope Surrendered was chosen for this reason. It’s a photo I took a few years ago, and it’s a photo that reminds me of His constant presence in our lives. No matter what darkness rolls in and what storms are happening in the present, He is always above it all and is doing His thing to work it all for good for those who love Him.

In my daily walk, I try to be a sunbeam for Him, and it is my hope that you can see Him through me and through Hope Surrendered.

Finding Hope in New Adventures

~ Hope Surrendered ~ Leave a comment

Box

I tried something new the other day.

I know. It sounds like a meaningless subject to write about, but for me, it isn’t. Although I’ve gotten more adventurous over the years, trying something new and outside of my comfy box is still a challenge for me.

I didn’t have the most supportive family life when it came to trying new things. My parents each had their own box of comfortable, and, growing up, I was expected to fit into one of those boxes of comfortable which they maintained. If I wanted to try something outside of their boxes, I was on my own. When I’d succeed, I’d hear little of it; when I failed, I’d hear short quips about not doing well or about how failing would not have happened had I just not tried. The quips weren’t supportive. The quips created a fear of failure in me.

So, I grew up with boxes. I grew up with boxes, because I dared not disappoint the people who provided me some semblance of encouragement when I stayed in their comfort zone. I grew up with boxes, because I dared not disappoint the people who provided me a brief reprimand when I failed at something outside of their comfort zone. I have no memory of my parents ever encouraging me toward a task or activity that was outside of their comfort zone.

Failure at an activity or task equaled failure at life — so I perceived. I didn’t want to be a failure, so I stuck with what I was told I was good at doing, I stuck with what was safe, and, for the most part, I stuck with what was in their boxes..

I missed out on so many things I wanted to do or wanted to try because of a fear of failure.

As I’ve matured, I’ve recognized how this kind of childhood has impacted me. Trying new activities, trying new hobbies, playing games (I couldn’t chance being the loser), even trying new menu items has created a feeling of discomfort for me. However, I’ve also recognized how trying new things outside of the their-box-had-become-my-box zone has been good and genuinely rewarding for me.

You see…I have discovered that I am good at things that have nothing to do with their box. I’ve also discovered that I am good at things outside of my husband’s box (it’s a bigger box, thank goodness!) and my children’s boxes.

It’s about time. I’m plenty old enough to have my own box. I’m old enough to take responsibility for my own choices in life, and I’m also old enough to not have to fear blowing the sides out of my box to try new adventures.

So, I tried something new the other day. Wow! I did have fun! I wasn’t very good at it at first, but the people I was with found the positive in how I persevered, and they kept encouraging me. By the end of the day, I was pretty good at this new adventure. I had fun blowing out the sides of my box.

I had fun failing, struggling, trying again and succeeding.

These days, I’m working on not having such a neat and tidy box of comfortable. There are blessings in that ol’ box, but there are adventures and blessings in the opportunities which lie outside of that box, too. I’m slowly learning not to fear failure, for there is a lot to be learned by the experience and the path taken, not just on the outcome and end result.

I’m a work in progress — we all are. I am enjoying the adventure!